i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize