ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
