the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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