This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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