I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
