so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
