Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
