You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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