i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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