so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Are we still banned from the library?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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