those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize