She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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