she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
