I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
