Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
