I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
