we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
dude. I can hear the air.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
