omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
