Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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