she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
