The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
