Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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