I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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