I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
