Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
