life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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