Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
