I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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