I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
