i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
