I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
