Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
