Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
