Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
are you so shy because you have an std?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
