i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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