I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
