i permit you to call me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
