Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your penis caused this!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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