I smell stomach acid.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
