we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
