I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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