i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
