I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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