I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im holly from the hills drunk
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
