The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
