alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
