Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
either way he was missing a nipple.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize