Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
