oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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