I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
