I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
