My hand turned me down
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am naked and annoyed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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