how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize