did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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