Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize