She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
