I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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