You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
