it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
