Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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