i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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