So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
