that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
