dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize