he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize