so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
