you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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