I bet he comes in French.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's never too late to be topless.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
