dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
